Thursday, September 09, 2010
Riverside Presbyterian Church, Riverside, IL
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction2. Foul vocal emissions3. Amnesia of origin4. Lack of peace and joy5. Selfish or violent behavior6. Depression or confusion in the mental component7. Fearfulness8. Idolatry9. RebellionThe Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.
There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is:P-R-A-Y-E-R.Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love2. Joy3. Peace4. Patience5. Kindness6. Goodness7. Faithfulness8. Gentleness9. Self controlPlease see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.